How to eat fresh rambutans

First you need to find a rambutan tree full of rambutans.

Because most rambutan trees are quite tall, you need a special kind of scissors to cut the rambutans from the tree.

As most of the modern people today only know how to order rambutans online, this special scissors requires preparation by the experienced professionals.

The experienced professional

Inappropriate use of this special equipment may lead to you accidentally cut your own kukuciao off.

After the special equipment are ready to be used, just find rambutans from the tree and cut it by pulling one of the ropes, then the rambutans will fall onto the ground. Easy job.

If the dropping point of the rambutans is into the river, you need someone else to collect it before the rambutans dropped into the river.

Professional rambutan collector

If you have some kind of small hut where you can climb up onto the roof for easy access of the rambutans, just do it because you may save a lot of energy and time.

After you have done from the roof top, the way you jump down from the roof is very important or else you will break your legs.

The correct way to jump

Collect all the rambutans and put it under the sun for a while so that all the ants will go away.

Last step: Enjoy the rambutans.

How to eat fresh durians

First you have to determine when the durian season is and find a durian farm with lots of durian trees.

Before enter into the durian farm, you must apply mosquito repellant all over your body, because if you don’t, the mosquitoes will draw a “map” on you.

The "map"

To enter the durian farm, you’ll need a 4 wheel drive transport such as the Nissan X-Trail because if you drive our national car such as the Proton Perdana used by the Terengganu government, the harsh road condition will requires you fork out RM100,000 for repair just after 1 trip.

After you entered the durian farm, you need to travel light because collecting durians involves mountain climbing. So, there will be no iPods, no big ass sunglasses, no fancy shoes, and no heavy makeup. All you need to bring is a bottle of water, a camera to take funny photos and a cell phone just in case you are lost.

Durians usually will drop onto the ground when it’s ripe, so you must look carefully because the color of the durian is the same as the bushes.

When you found durians, you must do whatever you can to get those precious fruits because it’s expensive and it’s delicious.

If you fall down during durian collecting, you must take photos as evidence to show that you fall down on a muddy path or else other people will think that you shit in your pants.

If you need to throw durians to your friends from lower terrains, the correct way to throw it is to shout ‘Look out!!!’ then throw it to an empty spot so that you can save a trip visiting your friends at the hospital.

Step 1: Aim for an empty spot and shout "Look Out !!!"

Step 2: Throw towards the empty spot

For some people durians taste like shit, but for most Malaysians, durians are good shit.

It does looks like shit, but it tastes good

After collecting as many durians as you can carry, head downhill to the nearest hut so that you can open the durians with tools such as knifes or screwdrivers.

Beware of worms inside the durians before eating it because the worms look like this:

I don’t think anyone of you want to eat that together with durians.

Durian, bagus! Belilah satu hari ini juga!

If you like the durians, you must give a good sign with your thumb up and smile to the camera like those old-fashioned advertisements.

This is how Malaysians eat fresh durians in the durian farm.

Langkawi: Bird Paradise

Langkawi is all about birds. First of all, the place is named after a bird, and then there are more than 200 species of birds chose Langkawi as their home.

Some people told me that Langkawi is the favorite spot for all the birdwatchers all around the world, I don’t know its true or not lah, but I don’t get it why those birdwatchers like to travel all the way to Langkawi, go into the deep forest or climb high hills just to watch birds. Overseas don’t have Discovery Channel or Animal Planet channels one meh?

If they really don’t have those channels they can always go to the Langkawi Bird Paradise to watch birds without getting all dirty.

The Langkawi Bird Paradise is a bird park, it is different from other bird parks like the Penang Bird Park or KL Bird Park because of its erm… the name.

This place is one of my favorite destinations in Langkawi. To begin with, the ticket booth gave me and Amy children price for the entrance fees. I don’t know why, but as a typical Malaysian, if got discounts, just take it lah.

Me trying to scare the parrot at the entrance

When we entered the bird park, sorry, Bird Paradise, we were welcomed by some parrots, initially I thought that the parrots will say something like “Welcome to Bird Paradise, hope that you have a pleasant visit, and please flush after you use the toilet.”

But the parrots just stayed there staring at me as if I am invisible. Nevermind lah, children price mah, don’t expect too much.

Welcome to Bird Paradise, if you want me to shit on your t-shirt, please press 1

Besides parrots, Bird Paradise also has lots of species of birds inside. The number of birds was so many until I cannot remember what I saw. You know lah, the scientific names are hard to remember. I only know some of the birds’ name, the rest I leave it for you all to help me to identify and name it.

Big white birds

Long legged bird

Big beautiful birds

Hornbill, finally I know one name, muah haha

Big blue bird

Red mouth bird

Botak bird

Ugly ostrich

Male peacock trying to seduce the chicks

You can enter into the peacock area in Bird Paradise

The Langkawi Bird Paradise cannot be without eagles as eagle is the symbol of Langkawi. There were some eagles inside and the keeper was kind enough to let us have a close encounter with the eagles.

Much smaller than the eagle at Eagle Square

Actually I was in pain because one of its claws was on my arm...

If you shit on my T-shirt I'll make you Kentucky Fried Eagle, understand?

Although I had the leather arm protector on, the claws of the eagles were holding on so strong that I can fell the pain through the thick piece of leather.

Besides birds, Bird Paradise also has some mammals that I think it’s an added value for the visitors. The most memorable one would be the sang kancil. I never knew that sang kancil is a very small size deer.

We learnt from History lessons during secondary school about how Parameswara name Malacca after a tree all that stuff, that a sang kancil kicked a dog down to the river, so Parameswara just cin cai picked a tree name because he thought that sang kancil represents bravery. Impossible lah ok, either Parameswara's dog was a chihuahua or he mistaken a horse as sang kancil.

sang kancil VS dog? Siao ar...

The sang kancil's size is just like a small kitten. When I went near the cage, it also came close to ask for food. It was so cute that I nearly have the intention to steal it home.

At the back of the Bird Paradise, there is a big field full of rabbits, lots of rabbits. Even a guy like me can’t help it but to say there were cute.

The fence was not locked at that time so when I saw that there were no people around, I just opened the fence and went inside to play with the rabbits.

When I walked inside, all those rabbits were running towards me, maybe they thought that I am the keeper who brought food. But I was empty handed at that time so I just plucked some leafs from the trees nearby and fed the rabbits.

I never had so many rabbits running around me before, considered quite an experience lah, next time I want leng lui-s wear like bunny girl running around me. :-P