I don't understand

One day while I was driving in KL, I was stuck in a massive traffic jam. The traffic was almost at a standstill, so everyone lined up properly in their own lane (miracle huh?) doing nothing but to stare at the stupid traffic jam ahead.

Suddenly I heard a loud siren coming from behind, a guy wearing a white uniform, riding a white, expensive powerful bike swerved in front of the traffic ahead. So I thought, finally, a policeman is coming to save the day by doing something that he does best to ease the stupid traffic jam.

How wrong was I, instead of easing the traffic jam, the policeman turned on his speaker on his bike, shouting furiously to all the cars:"Beri laluan, beri laluan!!!" (Give way).

The policeman then directed all the cars to move to the side of the road, leaving a big, empty car lane in the middle of the road. Everyone on the road was forced to the side of the road, creating a worse traffic jam.

Then, a fleet of the same big bike drove on the "cleared" road, making sure everyone was at the side of the road. Following behind the big bikes was a Volvo XC90 police car, all with their sirens on to the max. Behind the XC90 was a big, luxurious car, inside the car was someone who is the VVVVVVVVVVIP of the country. Behind the car was another XC90 police car and some big bikes making sure no one is taking advantage of the cleared road by following them behind.

After the VVVVVVVVVVIP gone past the traffic, we, the dispensable small time citizens are back to our miserable traffic jam again.

10 minutes later, I heard another siren coming from behind. This time it was an ambulance, alone. No big police bikes and XC90 to clear the road for the ambulance.

The pity ambulance had to squeeze in the middle of the traffic jam. I quickly gave way to the ambulance, but some drivers who forgot to bring their brains out that day stayed in the middle of the road, blocking the ambulance's way.

The ambulance had to on the siren to the max, while honking all the way through the traffic, the ambulance driver even had to open the window and swing his hand frantically so that those brainless drivers saw his hand and gave way.

To make matters worse, some drivers who did bring their brains out today but mistakenly shove their brains inside their assholes instead of their head followed behind the ambulance, taking advantage of the road cleared by the ambulance, this created a worse traffic jam as the cars that initially gave way to the ambulance cannot get back to the road.

In the end, the ambulance used more than 15 minutes just to drive past the traffic jam, to compare with the VVVVVVVVVVIP who used less than 30 seconds, it was very very slow.

You might think, the VVVVVVVVIP was an important person to the country, if he's late for some important meetings or opening ceremonies, our country might be conquered by the aliens. So, using a mass resources of the country to clear the road for the VVVVVVVVVVIP is very important.

So what about the ambulance? Someone is dying in the ambulance you know?

OK lah I agree that both human life and VVVVVVVVVVIP's meetings are equally important, at least in Malaysia, but why the VVVVVVVVVVIP can get so many resources to clear the road but not for the ambulance?

I am not saying that the VVVVVVVVVVIPs shouldn't get that kind of treatment, I am trying to suggest that if all the VVVVVVVVVVIPs can "donate" at least 1 police bike to assist the ambulance to clear the road, maybe hundreds of life can be saved.

The resources are there, but the distribution of resources are not properly distributed to those who need it so much.

I believe that something can be done here to address this problem. It's human life that we are talking about here. And for those drivers who are stubborn by not giving way to the ambulance, next time please bring your brain out, and put it in your head, not in your asshole.

My shopping list

This is my shopping list:

- A condo with full facilities
- A family car - Porsche Cayenne Turbo S
- A weekend track car - Ferrari F430 Scuderia
- Blu-ray DVD player
- 72 inch LCD TV
- PS3
- Xbox
- A high end home theater system
- A few watches
- A few jeans
- iPhone
- A few sets of working attire
- Laptop bag
- 2 well trained German Shepherds
- Nikon DSLR camera
- Underwater camera
- High end CPU
- Sports shoes

And the list goes on and on...
Shit I think I won't be able to afford 90% of the items in the list in the near future...

Feng Shui

Feng Shui is getting more and more popular nowadays.

So it’s a great marketing opportunity for those business minded people, lots of people made buckets of gold by selling Feng Shui related products and services. For example: Lillian Too.

For years I thought that Feng Shui is only limited to your house’s design or arrangements, but when I went to shop for some groceries in Tesco one day, I found this…

A Feng Shui broom.

As stated on the broom’s cover, it is said as a good Feng Shui broom as it’s size and materials used are in accordance with the good Feng Shui guide, something like that lah…

Out of curiosity, I bought one so that I can bring more Feng Shui to my house. I hope so…

Seriously, I don't understand why they used this aunty as their ambassador...

I think a few years later we will have Feng Shui car, Feng Shui handphone, Feng Shui watch, Feng Shui clothes, Feng Shui underwears, Feng Shui haircut, Feng Shui food, and so on…

How to learn mandarin

I came through this on the internet, it's about an American's note in a mandarin class.

I can say that his or her method of "memorizing" the mandarin words is damn funny.

The note goes like this:

Dear Tim,

shall by too dull doll by too jack won,

dolphin long can Jim shall by too low,

shall by too when dull low, doll car low,

dolphin long doll Ham Eason

“more power!”


Here's the original mandarin version:

第二题

小白兔到大白兔家玩，

大灰狼看见小白兔了，

小白兔闻到了，逃开了，

大灰狼大喊一声

“莫跑！”

I don't know what to say, really.

Unlucky

My car was broken into near the parking lot of my office last Friday.

That fucker thief broke my car's front passenger window and got away with a drawer full of... syilling... which were not more than RM5 ONLY.

The consequences:

1. My happy-Friday-off-work mood was spoilt

2. I drove all the way to the repair shop with a smashed window and the passenger seat was full of window pieces

3. While driving to the car repair shop I created a small traffic jam because Malaysians tend to slow down and check out car with smashed windows, even though its non of their business

4. I spent RM120 to replace the window

5. And I spent another RM600 to install a full car window tinting which the shop's owner claimed as hard to break, which was never been proven

For the record, this is the 4th time my car was messed by the cibai thief.

1st case:

My car's CD player was stolen when I parked in a housing area in Alor Star. The thief managed to open my car without setting off the car alarm. Damage: RM700 to replace the CD player, which was thankfully covered by my dad.

2nd case:

My car's antenna was stolen near my office. Damage: RM70 to replace the antenna so that I can listen to my favourite radio station in car.

3rd case:

Do you know the small little rubber caps which you removed from your car tyres' air hole when you want to pump some air into your tyres? Yes, that small little cheap thing. I got mine stolen at the Sunway College, all 4 of them. Damage: Free, because I got 5 for free from a kind tyre shop owner near my house.

As a conclusion, I wish all the thief that messed with my car have a very small dick and their asshole shifted place from the buttocks into their mouth, so that they can eat their own shit every time they shit.

For those people who work late

A very considerate colleague of mine sent me this e-mail to remind me not to work late.
It's a story of a guy who worked late and something happened...
Here's the story:

Prior to joining a new company, this guy A was working at KL city.

In those tall building offices like KLCC and such, his office was quite high up the level at least 30 and above. Normally he will have to stay back for OT and in the evening, all the lifts will be stopped due to security reasons.

So whenever he wanted to leave, he will need to call the old security ah pek to activate the lift from ground floor to his level, then the uncle will send the lift up...

After sometime, he left the company and joined another place where his office also very high up in the building. Hence if he needs to do OT, also need to call security ah pek to send lift up.

Then it came the day that he's working OT for the first time at the new place. He stayed back till 12am plus and when he's about to leave, he called the security ah pek to send the lift up. After packing up he went to the lobby to wait for the lift.

He waited and waited. 10 minutes passed, Lift not up. He waited for another 10 minutes and called the security ah pek. S denotes security here.

A: Hello ah pek ah, have you send the lift up?
S: Yeah sent liao ma.
A: No leh I been waiting for 20 minutes liao leh.
S: No meh? Okie okie I send again.

Another 5 minutes went by. No lift came up. The guy got worried. He's the last person to leave and there's no one around. He called the ah pek on his handphone again.

A: Er... Ah pek ah, you sure you sent the lift up?
S: Yeah I sent it up twice liao leh.
A: But I saw the lifts all on the first floor leh!
S: Aiyoh. Never mind. I take the lift up and look for you.

Again, A waited. 5 minutes passed but none of the lift are moving. Then suddenly, his handphone rang. The ah pek voice was on the other side of the line sounding very weird.

S: CCB Where are you? ! I am here. But I cannot find you.

All this while A was staring at the display of the lifts. All at level 1... and the ah pek is here... shit something is not right.

A straight away chiong to the stairs and ran down the building...
When he reached ground level, he chiong to the security counter and he found out that...























He had actually called the old security ah pek in the building of his ex-company and not the security ah pek of his new office -_- He work till siao liao and was damn blur.

Feeling very pai seh, he also never call back to explain to the security ah pek from the building of his ex-company.

Poor ah pek. He must be the one who actually freaked out going all the way up and saw no one there...

Moral of the story: Don't work till becoming like sotong....

DYTM Raja Puan Muda Lailatul Shahreen Bougainvilla Garden

Yes, this is the garden's name which is situated in Kangar, Perlis.

Check out the name, I didn't cheat you right?

DYTM Raja Puan Muda Lailatul Shahreen Bougainvillea Garden.

Built by Majlis Perbandaran Kangar (MPK), this garden probably has one of the longest garden name in Malaysia. Obviously, it's name after DYTM Raja Puan Muda Lailatul Shahreen (I hope I get the name right).

MPK: A word commonly used whenever you are angry

This DYTM Raja Puan Muda Lailatul Shahreen Bougainvillea Garden is aiming to collect as many species of bougainvillea as possible from all over the world.

Lots of different species of bougainvilleas in the garden. I don't know how to differentiate the species of bougainvilleas but I only know how to differentiate it by the colors.




Bougainvillea is a type of flower which can be commonly found in Malaysia, the texture of the flower is similar to paper so sometimes its called "paper flower".




The garden is well designed and constructed to provide a good hang out spot and exercise spot for the Perlis people.

It was built at a hillside and there is a small cave called Cenderawasih Cave situated beside the garden.




Nothing special about the cave though except for some smelly bats' shit.

Looks like a stairs to no where

There is also a small stairs for casual mountain climbers to climb up to the hill top to get a bird's eye view of Kangar town. As I was fat and lazy to climb up so sorry, no pictures from the hilltop.

The stairs was officially opened by the ex Chief Minister of Perlis, Y.A.B. Dato' Seri Shahidan Bin Kassim SPMP. AMP.

Luckily they didn't name the stairs after him or else the stairs' name would be "Y.A.B. Dato' Seri Shahidan Bin Kassim SPMP. AMP. Stairs to Hilltop for a Bird's Eye View of the Kangar Town"

Just beside the stairs to hilltop there is something like a monument.




The monument was so badly vendalised until I cannot recognise what is that monument for. Inside the monument there is a metal plate with lots of Perlis royal family names written on it so I assume it was meant to be a royal family tree monument or something like that.





Some vandals who are being disrespectful of the royal family wrote some stupid stuff on the plate like: Ali love Ayu forever and ever.

I don't think the royal family will be happy to see this in their family tree.

The monument's pond was also a mess with lots of garbage and stagnant water in it.

Yucks... Looks like erm... processed foods

Are these marks made by mat-rempits or the gardeners with trolleys?

The garden is actually a nice place to be if it can be restored back to its original state.



The MPK should do something about this and the education department should do something to really discard the evil mindset of vendalism out of our Malaysian society.