A funny news

This news maybe old but I think it will remain as an all-time classic in the history of mankind.

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Singapore (May 4, 2009) : A secretary bit off the private parts of her boss in a freak accident during their sex romp in a car.

The incident happened in a car park in East Coast Park in Singapore over the weekend.

According to a Singapore evening paper's report, which was picked up by the Malaysian Chinese dailies today, the 30-year-old married woman was performing oral sex on the man when a van reversed into their car, causing her to snap her jaws shut.

What happened not only shocked the couple but also her husband, who after being tipped off by a private eye had rushed to the scene, and was about to pounce on the pair when the accident happened.

The private eye called an ambulance to send the courting couple to hospital.

The woman's insurance agent husband, also 30, had hired the private eye after some intimate SMSes sent to her handphones raised his suspicion.

The private eye, telling the paper what he saw was the most horrible scene in his entire career, said the fuming husband now wanted to divorce his wife.

The report did not say whether doctors managed to reattach the severed penis.

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Ouch... I hope doctors in Singapore are professional enough to reattach that man's penis.

So what is the moral of the story?

The moral of the story is that ALWAYS find an empty car park if you were to perform oral sex in a car. Lol.

Penang cops learn Hokkien

I found this news when I was si pek bored in office.

From The Star.

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Penang cops learn Hokkien

GEORGE TOWN: Do not be surprised if a Malay or Indian policeman stops you on the street and speaks in fluent Hokkien.

This is because Penang police have been offering a Hokkien dialect course to their personnel.

State police chief Deputy Comm Datuk Wira Ayub Yaakob said a three-month course had been drawn up to teach the personnel better communications skills, especially in a state where Hokkien is widely spoken.

He said the first batch of 35 policemen of various races had already gone through the course which started in August and ended recently.

Another lesson, to be carried out by a professional tutor scheduled to be held thrice weekly, will start in November.

“Most people in Penang speak Hokkien. However, the ratio of Hokkien speaking policemen and the population in the state stands at 1:6,000 and this is not good.

“By having the Hokkien lessons, there would be better communication between the police and the people,’ he said at a press conference to announce his appointment as Malaysia Crime Prevention Found­ation (Penang chapter) deputy chairman.

DCP Ayub said the rapport between the policemen and the public could indirectly grow closer when they are able to speak confidently in the dialect.

“The policemen and officers, especially the young ones, will be sent for such training so that they are able to converse in the dialect,” he said.

He said they would also try to rope in language experts from Universiti Sains Malaysia to conduct courses in other languages, so they can communicate with tourists.

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Well, this is interesting, it's a good thing for the cops to learn another language because this undoubtedly can help them communicate well with those uncles and aunties who cannot speak Malay or English fluently.

But what happen if you are stopped by a cop who tries to get duit kopi (bribe) from you for speeding 1km/h more than the speed limit of 35km/h?

You (Winding down your car window): Soli la boss, I kejar masa ma, boleh bagi chance tak? (Sorry boss, I was in a hurry, can you give me a chance?)

Cop: Lu zhai lu hua jin nia kuai bo? (Do you know that you drove very fast just now?)

You (Mouth wide opened): Wah lu aa hiao kong hokkien ar?" (Wow you know how to speak hokkien?)

Cop: Of kos, zheng hu ho wa lang ki hokkien klass ma. (Of course, government gave us the chance to go to Hokkien classes.)

You: Wah zheng hu jin gao ar. (Wow the government is very clever.)

Cop: Lu mai ka wa kap siao, dong kim be uan zua settle? (STFU, how to settle things now?)

You: Zap ko aa sai bo? (Ten Ringgit, can?)

Cop: Ki chia sai la lu, zap ko lim pek ki chia KFC pun bo kao. (Go eat shit, ten Ringgit isn't enough for me to eat KFC.)

You (Sweating): Sa zap ko kao bo? (Thirty Ringgit enough or not?)

Cop: LKKK, dong kim market plice go zap ko lu zhai bo? (Go to hell, do you know that the market price is now fifty Ringgit?)

You (Sweating profusely): Go zap ko aa ne zhe? (Fifty Ringgit so high?)

Cop: Lu mai ho wa lang ki balai lim kopi lu ai bo? (If you don't want to give we can always go to the police station to have a coffee.)

You (Fed up): Ok la ok la, go zap ko lo. (Ok, Ok, fifty Ringgit it is.)

You then slip the fifty Ringgit note in between your IC and driving license and pass to the cop.

Cop: Ok, kam sia, aa bai mai hua aa ne kuai. (Ok, you can go now, next time don't drive too fast.)

You then happily wind up the window and get away without a three hundred Ringgit speeding ticket. On the other hand, the cop get away with fifty Ringgit tax-free extra income.

Some called this an investment of time and money as you don't have to find free time to queue up behind a long queue and pay the three hundred Ringgit speeding ticket.

Learning Hokkien will definitely help the cops and the people to communicate easier in Penang as most of the Penang people speak Hokkien.

Example shown above is a bad way to use Hokkien by the cops, I hope that the cops can be more efficient in their real job after they master Hokkien, helping us normal people to fight crime, like Batman, Superman, Ultraman, whatever it is.

Snatch thiefs at petrol station

I want to share a video with you all. This video shows how ridiculous the Malaysian crime has become.

Snatch thiefs doing what they are best of, in broad daylight, with people beside the victim some more.

Start from the beginning of the video you can see that the snatch thiefs already entered the petrol station looking for their first victim.

Just like National Geographic Channel where lions are hunting deers.

If you are a busy person and cannot wait for the whole video to play, kindly forward the video to 1 minute 50 seconds.

My advice is that be careful wherever you are. These chee-bye people are everywhere.

RM2.70

I think this is the number that made almost every Malaysians crazy on 4th June 2008 night. Our beloved Malaysian government decided that it was time to make the people suffer even more by decreasing the subsidies on petrol prices, this made our petrol price increased from RM1.92 to RM2.70, a shocking 40% increase.

40%, damn it. I roughly calculated how much this will costs me if I pump in full tank for my car. Before the price increase I already had to spend RM75 for a full tank, now I have to spend almost RM100 for a full tank. Wtf…

Thinking about this I become very tulan already. Malaysia got so many oil resources and yet we have to pay so much for the damn fuel. Really Malaysia Boleh.

Pak Lah announced that the price change will be starting on 12am 5th June 2008, this last minute announcement made everyone kelam-kabut. Everyone rushed to the petrol station before 12am just to fill in cheap petrol one last time. Suddenly it was good business for every petrol station throughout Malaysia.

The kelam-kabut situation

For me I already filled up 2 days before and I just drove for 50km, so I figured that it won’t be economical for me to line up for 2 hours just to fill up.

But the craze to buy cheap petrol still made me ended up in a massive traffic jam. There were traffic jams wherever there are petrol stations nearby. I had a hard time finding a place to have dinner so out of no choice I went to Tesco to eat KFC.

The next day at office, everyone was talking about the damn petrol price. Sentences like: “Wah the petrol price increased again.”, “Mahal-lah”, “next time I want to walk to office liao.” And last but not least “diu…”, can be heard everywhere.

Our "reliable" Rail Transit System can be another option for those who don't feel like using expensive petrol

See how just a simple order from Pak Lah can affect our lifestyles. Pak Lah, I beg you lah, next time please give us some good news. Zero tax on all imported cars maybe?

After complaining so much about the increase of petrol price, I suddenly felt so scared because I am afraid that the government may sue me. So I want to clarify here that the government of Malaysia is the best in the world and they increased the price so that they can use the subsidies saved to help the poor.

The government said that the petrol price will be revised every month, which means the price will still have the possibility to increase in the future. To all of you out there, enjoy your chance now for the “cheap” petrol price before it’s too late.

The Sichuan Earthquake

If you are now sitting comfortably in front of your computer reading this, you are a very lucky person.

Compare yourself with the victims of the Sichuan earthquake.

I have been following up the news of the earthquake and to be honest, the pictures almost make me cry.

Worried parents trying to find their children under the debris

A survivor waiting for rescue

Some pictures showed that the rescuers had to cut the legs or hands of some survivors buried under the debris of collapsed buildings in order to get them out before they bleed to death. There was even a case where the rescuers cannot reach to one young female survivor buried under tons of debris and that the survivor had to cut her own leg in order to survive.

Temporary shelters for the survivors

I also watched the live television news report where I found something worth sharing. The reporter interviewed an injured girl who was rescued from the debris of her primary school that what she did when waiting for rescue under the debris. The little girl answered something amazing: “I read my textbooks using the sunlight that came through a small hole.”

The reporter suddenly became speechless, so did I.

Imagine this, studying while being trapped under debris, not knowing when will be rescued and got nothing to eat or drink. Not everyone can do this. Even I have problem studying continuously for more than one hour in a comfortable and bright air-cond room.

The Olympics is just months away, the China government faced several setbacks in hosting the first Olympics in their country. The Sichuan earthquake undoubtedly slows down the pace of the Olympics preparation a little bit, but I am very confident that the Olympics will be a successful event.

Obstacles make people stronger, I hope that the people of Sichuan can go through this difficult phase in their life.