How to eat fresh durians

First you have to determine when the durian season is and find a durian farm with lots of durian trees.

Before enter into the durian farm, you must apply mosquito repellant all over your body, because if you don’t, the mosquitoes will draw a “map” on you.

The "map"

To enter the durian farm, you’ll need a 4 wheel drive transport such as the Nissan X-Trail because if you drive our national car such as the Proton Perdana used by the Terengganu government, the harsh road condition will requires you fork out RM100,000 for repair just after 1 trip.

After you entered the durian farm, you need to travel light because collecting durians involves mountain climbing. So, there will be no iPods, no big ass sunglasses, no fancy shoes, and no heavy makeup. All you need to bring is a bottle of water, a camera to take funny photos and a cell phone just in case you are lost.

Durians usually will drop onto the ground when it’s ripe, so you must look carefully because the color of the durian is the same as the bushes.

When you found durians, you must do whatever you can to get those precious fruits because it’s expensive and it’s delicious.

If you fall down during durian collecting, you must take photos as evidence to show that you fall down on a muddy path or else other people will think that you shit in your pants.

If you need to throw durians to your friends from lower terrains, the correct way to throw it is to shout ‘Look out!!!’ then throw it to an empty spot so that you can save a trip visiting your friends at the hospital.

Step 1: Aim for an empty spot and shout "Look Out !!!"

Step 2: Throw towards the empty spot

For some people durians taste like shit, but for most Malaysians, durians are good shit.

It does looks like shit, but it tastes good

After collecting as many durians as you can carry, head downhill to the nearest hut so that you can open the durians with tools such as knifes or screwdrivers.

Beware of worms inside the durians before eating it because the worms look like this:

I don’t think anyone of you want to eat that together with durians.

Durian, bagus! Belilah satu hari ini juga!

If you like the durians, you must give a good sign with your thumb up and smile to the camera like those old-fashioned advertisements.

This is how Malaysians eat fresh durians in the durian farm.